So, this is the blog that took me forever to write (just shy of 3 weeks, to be exact). And in the thick of the darkness that has been so evident in the world of late, I honestly didn't know if I could muster up the energy to speak on this. Every time I sat down to do it, I just felt a little overwhelmed, like words just weren't enough to express the pain I felt for every black king and queen that have been victims of racism.
It's funny, when I went to title this blog post, the generic text that appears on the website writes: "Add a Catchy Title", and the truth is, I don't have one for you this time.
There is no fancy title. This isn't the blog post that has pretty, cursive sub-headings or '5 steps to...', this is just me, sitting here sharing my mind, and I hope it resonates with you.
So, I think we can all agree that life at the moment has been draining. First, it was dealing with the pandemic and juggling all the challenges that come to play in that. Kids stuck at home, trying to keep them entertained whilst attempting to keep your house in order, possibly also working from home (or, in my case, going into work on the frontline), and then there's self-care.
'Self-care'. That word was a little foreign to me about a week ago, because I simply wasn't taking care of myself. I was dealing with the pandemic on one hand, and then in the other, absorbing and re-living all the hurt and trauma stemming from the fight against systemic racism: The #blacklivesmatter movement. Don't get me wrong, I honestly tried to take care of my mental health; I tried taking short breaks from social media or having an at-home-facial session, but it just didn't seem to settle my mind fully. My mind was screaming out for some T.L.C. and I simply wasn't able to deliver.
I had so much on mind. I wanted to be present in the moment and show up publicly, but the truth is I was drained...
"you can't pour from an empty cup."
There were days when I would just break down in tears over everything that was happening in our world, and that in itself took a lot out of me. I was shooting myself in the foot by not taking the time I needed. And that is an important thing to note -- everyone is different, and only you know what your body and mind really need. For me, I needed to double down in prayer, put some worship music on and just cry to God.
My self-care was letting all the emotions out.
My self-care was accepting that I can't be everything for everybody all the time.
My self-care was accepting that protesting in the streets, creating documents on how to educate on black history, or even having my house cleaned (from top to bottom) just wasn't my lane right now in this moment.
I had to accept that my mental health was at risk, and, at all costs, I needed to choose me.
Yup. I said it.
You cannot give when you have nothing left. You can not be the light you are meant to be, when your mind is crippled with worry and anxiety.
So, I guess the whole point of this blog post is this: choose you. Choose peace. Pour into yourself first, so you can continue to pour out and be the light that the world needs...
Love always,
Simply Deborah
xo
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